Today was definitely a roller coaster ride, but it ended on a high note, so I can't complain.
I ended up staying at the music building from about 7:30AM to 1PM, and by that time I knew I a) needed a nap, and b) didn't have time to take one. I had a couple hours to myself back at my dorm, then I had to head back for my 3:00 class (composition, so at least the trip was well worth it). By the time I settled back into my room to do homework, I was pretty mentally exhausted, and I ended up not getting to eat dinner with my friends, which was a bummer....
And then, somehow, my day got a million times better.
I've been trying not to scare my new friends too much - keeping all my musicality in check is a little difficult at times, but I try to act (mostly) normal around my non-music friends. Lately, though, I've been opening up, and tonight a really good friend of mine heard my full band piece for the first time. [Thankfully I wasn't there; otherwise I'd probably be commenting and nitpicking through the entire thing.] After six weeks' worth of an internal struggle revolving around my friends not entirely understanding who I am in a musical sense, it was amazing to get positive feedback (that's composer-speak for he liked it).
That's one of the best things about my friends here - they're really supportive, and they don't tell me I can't do something. I've always been a little nervous about going all-out band geek on people I met outside the music world, especially when a lot of the population doesn't realize what hard work composition can entail, but when I take the risk, the complete and utter acceptance only reminds me that I have the best friends in the world. I'm honestly not sure if that friend will ever read this, but even if he doesn't, hopefully he realizes how much his approval means to me both as a composer and as a girl who's done hiding. :)
Love you all,
Megan
PS: The song I picked for this entry probably didn't make much sense at first, but now that you've read the whole thing, just think about the lyrics of the chorus: "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky. Gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change... and breakaway."
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
You Found Me: The Best Things About Friends
Well, the sun is shining, the grass is green... and I realize I haven't blogged in awhile. (Props to those of you who read up to the ellipse and thought I was going to break out into "White Christmas." Maybe in a month or so.) Life here has been pretty ordinary - there are good days, there are not-so-good days, and for some of my friends, there are oh-crap-an-essay's-due-tomorrow days. Thankfully, I've stayed on top of my work thus far, so I've had time to focus on the one thing I probably do waaaay too often - thinking.
What am I thinking about, you ask? Well, depends on the situation. Occasionally I'll agonize over some minor musical dilemma (there was a situation at dinner the other day where I had to ask a friend if I should write a triplet stems-up or stems-down), but usually my train of thought revolves around the people in my life - my peers and friends. And like everything else in life, there are good and not-so-good days with my friends, too. Sometimes everything's perfect and we have a good time; in other circumstances, we won't see eye to eye on something or we just won't feel like talking to each other.
Those of you that know me well know that I overanalyze EVERYTHING, so to keep myself from going utterly insane every time something doesn't go my way, I've really been trying to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I recently said something to a good friend from California that I've since put on my bulletin board: "No worthwhile friendship is a waste of time." And for me, that's the truth. Sure, it's rare for me to think any interaction with a friend is a waste, but just in case it does, I've now got my little reminder.
Because really, even when things don't go exactly as planned, most days with my friends are good days. We laugh more than I ever could have expected, and they've already made themselves at home in my heart. Even when I'm only hanging out with one of them, I learn a lot and open up a little more. It's great. We've only known each other for a month, but I already couldn't imagine life without them.
Love you all,
Megan
What am I thinking about, you ask? Well, depends on the situation. Occasionally I'll agonize over some minor musical dilemma (there was a situation at dinner the other day where I had to ask a friend if I should write a triplet stems-up or stems-down), but usually my train of thought revolves around the people in my life - my peers and friends. And like everything else in life, there are good and not-so-good days with my friends, too. Sometimes everything's perfect and we have a good time; in other circumstances, we won't see eye to eye on something or we just won't feel like talking to each other.
Those of you that know me well know that I overanalyze EVERYTHING, so to keep myself from going utterly insane every time something doesn't go my way, I've really been trying to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I recently said something to a good friend from California that I've since put on my bulletin board: "No worthwhile friendship is a waste of time." And for me, that's the truth. Sure, it's rare for me to think any interaction with a friend is a waste, but just in case it does, I've now got my little reminder.
Because really, even when things don't go exactly as planned, most days with my friends are good days. We laugh more than I ever could have expected, and they've already made themselves at home in my heart. Even when I'm only hanging out with one of them, I learn a lot and open up a little more. It's great. We've only known each other for a month, but I already couldn't imagine life without them.
Love you all,
Megan
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Something to Believe In: Snapshots of the Perfect Moments
"You wake up every morning looking for your answer..." The beginning of Something to Believe In by Parachute is a fairly accurate description of the beginnings of my days. I look for reasons to smile, to wonder, to laugh, and to learn, and despite all the metaphorical cloudy days, almost every day there's something to be happy about. Interactions with my friends, peers and teachers make the tough stuff worthwhile when I am presented with myriad reasons to love what I do and where I am. Below I've included several literary snapshots of instances when I've felt completely and utterly content. Read on if you wish, and see the world how I see it for the briefest of moments. (And if you can find a mention of yourself in here, college friends, know that you've made me very, very happy, though you'll see no names in these anecdotes.)
Some days we eat in silence, each person consumed by thought while plowing through the piles of food that sit before him. Words are few and far between, aside from greetings and goodbyes. It is a time solely to be together - no words are necessary, just the presence of the others. We stare off into space, or we look around at each other, shooting someone an occasional smile but otherwise focusing on what we hear and feel - the sounds of eating and breathing, the feeling of family that keeps us in our little bubble, no matter how close others may be sitting.
Some days we eat amidst a cacophony of our own laughter, talking vivaciously and discussing the most random of topics. Inside jokes are often born on nights like these, and both complete reason and utter nonsense are thrown around like baseballs (or Frisbees, as the case may be). Within the madness there is structure and grace - complete order in the midst of chaos, for we alone understand our interactions. When even we are confused, it is only cause for more laughter. Nights like these are almost surreal - look into the knowing eyes of the one you're conversing with and it can seem like all else is irrelevant.
Some days we laugh until breathing becomes a chore, exchanging bad puns and trying to best each other at wordplay. While it can seem as though we become distracted, we usually have some connection between the games and the task at hand. We reassure each other and aid in the development of strengths. We smile and discuss, not always seeing eye to eye but always agreeing on mastery and beauty. We appreciate the simple as well as the complex and are slow to dismiss. We see everyone shine, and we cherish them for their luminance.
Some days we argue over diction, syntax and "deeper meaning." We discuss things like purpose and intent, and we wonder many things. Despite our knowledge, some details and answers still evade us, but as long as we remain in pursuit, we enjoy every minute of the chase.
Some days we exchange sleepy hellos in the stairwells or across the hallways. We straggle into class, eager to see what lies ahead yet unwilling to think about it at such an early hour. We wonder and question the past, present and future of our craft unintentionally, yet the simple discoveries we make can also be the most eye-opening.
Some days we celebrate. Whether it be a birthday or an upcoming achievement or a promise to come to a concert, we support each other irrevocably. We comfort and promise, if not forever, then for a long time to come. We inspire each other and renew hope and belief in all that is good in the world. We appreciate each other's strengths and help overcome weaknesses.
Some days we burn off steam. We lunge and throw and catch and run, all in the name of a white plastic disc. We learn new things, we see different sides of each other, we prove our prowess or lack thereof. We encourage and coax until new, wonderful things come to life. It is a time for thinking less and experiencing more.
Some days we help each other. Challenges are presented that require thinking, analysis and eventual comprehension. New questions are asked each day, and new answers are discovered each time a question is presented. Processes are established and tested, then verified or changed and tested again. Through it all, patience prevails; that which must be done is better when not done alone.
Some days we communicate when we can't meet up. Texts are exchanged, the occasional smiley makes an appearance, and discussions can last as little as five minutes or as long as three hours. Not much is said, to be honest, but what IS said has value - when we take the time to listen and reply despite distance and other commitments, everything in the friendship becomes stronger.
Some days we go on impromptu field trips. No matter the hour, "let's go" is often the only phrase necessary to begin such an adventure. Trifles like shoes can be optional, and the memories made on late-night excursions can be among the most vivid. Despite the darkness, light makes itself known in the destinations of our choice and the spirit of our hearts. New things are tried, and silliness abounds, but at the end of it all we come home safely and revel in our experiences.
Hopefully this look into the little moments in life reminded you, as it did me, that not all days are cloudy, metaphorically or literally. The greatest of things can come from the smallest of instances, and I look forward to all which is still to come.
Love you all,
Megan
Some days we eat in silence, each person consumed by thought while plowing through the piles of food that sit before him. Words are few and far between, aside from greetings and goodbyes. It is a time solely to be together - no words are necessary, just the presence of the others. We stare off into space, or we look around at each other, shooting someone an occasional smile but otherwise focusing on what we hear and feel - the sounds of eating and breathing, the feeling of family that keeps us in our little bubble, no matter how close others may be sitting.
Some days we eat amidst a cacophony of our own laughter, talking vivaciously and discussing the most random of topics. Inside jokes are often born on nights like these, and both complete reason and utter nonsense are thrown around like baseballs (or Frisbees, as the case may be). Within the madness there is structure and grace - complete order in the midst of chaos, for we alone understand our interactions. When even we are confused, it is only cause for more laughter. Nights like these are almost surreal - look into the knowing eyes of the one you're conversing with and it can seem like all else is irrelevant.
Some days we laugh until breathing becomes a chore, exchanging bad puns and trying to best each other at wordplay. While it can seem as though we become distracted, we usually have some connection between the games and the task at hand. We reassure each other and aid in the development of strengths. We smile and discuss, not always seeing eye to eye but always agreeing on mastery and beauty. We appreciate the simple as well as the complex and are slow to dismiss. We see everyone shine, and we cherish them for their luminance.
Some days we argue over diction, syntax and "deeper meaning." We discuss things like purpose and intent, and we wonder many things. Despite our knowledge, some details and answers still evade us, but as long as we remain in pursuit, we enjoy every minute of the chase.
Some days we exchange sleepy hellos in the stairwells or across the hallways. We straggle into class, eager to see what lies ahead yet unwilling to think about it at such an early hour. We wonder and question the past, present and future of our craft unintentionally, yet the simple discoveries we make can also be the most eye-opening.
Some days we celebrate. Whether it be a birthday or an upcoming achievement or a promise to come to a concert, we support each other irrevocably. We comfort and promise, if not forever, then for a long time to come. We inspire each other and renew hope and belief in all that is good in the world. We appreciate each other's strengths and help overcome weaknesses.
Some days we burn off steam. We lunge and throw and catch and run, all in the name of a white plastic disc. We learn new things, we see different sides of each other, we prove our prowess or lack thereof. We encourage and coax until new, wonderful things come to life. It is a time for thinking less and experiencing more.
Some days we help each other. Challenges are presented that require thinking, analysis and eventual comprehension. New questions are asked each day, and new answers are discovered each time a question is presented. Processes are established and tested, then verified or changed and tested again. Through it all, patience prevails; that which must be done is better when not done alone.
Some days we communicate when we can't meet up. Texts are exchanged, the occasional smiley makes an appearance, and discussions can last as little as five minutes or as long as three hours. Not much is said, to be honest, but what IS said has value - when we take the time to listen and reply despite distance and other commitments, everything in the friendship becomes stronger.
Some days we go on impromptu field trips. No matter the hour, "let's go" is often the only phrase necessary to begin such an adventure. Trifles like shoes can be optional, and the memories made on late-night excursions can be among the most vivid. Despite the darkness, light makes itself known in the destinations of our choice and the spirit of our hearts. New things are tried, and silliness abounds, but at the end of it all we come home safely and revel in our experiences.
Hopefully this look into the little moments in life reminded you, as it did me, that not all days are cloudy, metaphorically or literally. The greatest of things can come from the smallest of instances, and I look forward to all which is still to come.
Love you all,
Megan
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been: Priorities, Friends, and Figuring It All Out
It's been a bizarre week.
There have been plenty of ups and downs; I've struggled to come to terms with some of the new realities of my life. The first and most important of those seems to be the fact that unlike many of the other students here, I can't just go home whenever I feel like it. A lot of people here are from the area, and in half an hour or forty minutes they can get from here to their houses. It would take me forty minutes to an hour just to get to the airport. More than before, I find myself missing home, wanting to be a big part of my friends' lives like I have been in the past. I'm not sure I'm dealing with that as well as I should be - I have some friends here, but not a ton, and more and more I find myself reaching out to the people I love at home only to find that they're busy with homework or the equivalent. I look at friendship bracelets and pictures and wonder if things will ever be the same again. When a lot of my older friends went off to college, I just stopped seeing them (even the ones that stayed in the immediate area). I want to still be a part of my friends' lives, but when you're 713-715 miles from the people you love most, you can't just show up to their football games (even if I had a car, I have a feeling Google Maps' estimate that it would take me 10 hours and 15 minutes to get there is more than slightly optimistic).
As with any new beginning, I'm finding that making friends isn't the easiest task in the world, and while I have a handful of good friends, more often than not I find myself alone in my dorm. Unlike a lot of the people I know, I'm not in college to party, nor am I even remotely interested in that kind of thing. My priorities lie in getting my degree, (hopefully) getting a job, and starting a career. I'm always putting my schoolwork first, and a lot of the time I just think that I'm the only one who does that. As much as I'd like to have really awesome friends like the ones I made in high school, right now I just have to focus on getting my work done and figuring out if music is really what I want to do with my life.
Me, having second thoughts? Really? Honestly, yes. After a few weeks of thinking about it, I'm more scared about making a career out of music than I've ever been in my life. Maybe too many people have told me I can't do it. Maybe I feel like I need to be doing something else, anything else - something that could guarantee me a steady stream of income. Maybe now that I have so much freedom in life, I realize that there are so many options I haven't even thought about. Maybe I've been so well taught by my high school English teachers to question everything that I'm now questioning my own decisions. [Actually, I know I'm doing that.] But at the same time, all the other things I'm interested in - writing, teaching - would come with their own set of restrictions and uncertainties. No matter what caused this mini-crisis, for whatever reason I find myself questioning my own abilities and wondering if I'm really up to the challenge - the lifestyle - that a career in music involves.
I always find myself envious of the people who can just get their bachelor's and go straight into a career - somehow, I have the sneaking suspicion my path will never be that easy. I guess it's true what everyone says about college - when it's time to make the choice of what you want to do for the rest of your life, you realize pretty quickly that you have absolutely no idea. Where do I go from here?
Love you all,
Megan
There have been plenty of ups and downs; I've struggled to come to terms with some of the new realities of my life. The first and most important of those seems to be the fact that unlike many of the other students here, I can't just go home whenever I feel like it. A lot of people here are from the area, and in half an hour or forty minutes they can get from here to their houses. It would take me forty minutes to an hour just to get to the airport. More than before, I find myself missing home, wanting to be a big part of my friends' lives like I have been in the past. I'm not sure I'm dealing with that as well as I should be - I have some friends here, but not a ton, and more and more I find myself reaching out to the people I love at home only to find that they're busy with homework or the equivalent. I look at friendship bracelets and pictures and wonder if things will ever be the same again. When a lot of my older friends went off to college, I just stopped seeing them (even the ones that stayed in the immediate area). I want to still be a part of my friends' lives, but when you're 713-715 miles from the people you love most, you can't just show up to their football games (even if I had a car, I have a feeling Google Maps' estimate that it would take me 10 hours and 15 minutes to get there is more than slightly optimistic).
As with any new beginning, I'm finding that making friends isn't the easiest task in the world, and while I have a handful of good friends, more often than not I find myself alone in my dorm. Unlike a lot of the people I know, I'm not in college to party, nor am I even remotely interested in that kind of thing. My priorities lie in getting my degree, (hopefully) getting a job, and starting a career. I'm always putting my schoolwork first, and a lot of the time I just think that I'm the only one who does that. As much as I'd like to have really awesome friends like the ones I made in high school, right now I just have to focus on getting my work done and figuring out if music is really what I want to do with my life.
Me, having second thoughts? Really? Honestly, yes. After a few weeks of thinking about it, I'm more scared about making a career out of music than I've ever been in my life. Maybe too many people have told me I can't do it. Maybe I feel like I need to be doing something else, anything else - something that could guarantee me a steady stream of income. Maybe now that I have so much freedom in life, I realize that there are so many options I haven't even thought about. Maybe I've been so well taught by my high school English teachers to question everything that I'm now questioning my own decisions. [Actually, I know I'm doing that.] But at the same time, all the other things I'm interested in - writing, teaching - would come with their own set of restrictions and uncertainties. No matter what caused this mini-crisis, for whatever reason I find myself questioning my own abilities and wondering if I'm really up to the challenge - the lifestyle - that a career in music involves.
I always find myself envious of the people who can just get their bachelor's and go straight into a career - somehow, I have the sneaking suspicion my path will never be that easy. I guess it's true what everyone says about college - when it's time to make the choice of what you want to do for the rest of your life, you realize pretty quickly that you have absolutely no idea. Where do I go from here?
Love you all,
Megan
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Under Pressure: Downfalls and Triumphs
It's been a fascinating week.
After an exceedingly bad ensemble placement audition and an exceedingly good chair placement audition, I found myself at a musical impasse - I wasn't exactly proud of myself, but I wasn't completely disappointed, either. As always in the music world, the next opportunity to make myself proud (and prove my worth to any and all skeptics in the studio) came earlier today. Every week, the brass studio gets together and sight reads music. Sight reading is something I've always enjoyed, since I'm relatively good at it and I like the challenge, and today was no exception. I got a little nervous when the conductor looked at me and said, "Whoever's playing first trumpet... It's important." [That's band director language for don't screw it up.] I looked at the piece, and sure enough, it was high and technical, but after a short, silent pep talk, I took a deep breath and calmed down. The sight reading went fantastic, and even though the part turned out to be a little more exposed than I'd expected, it went really well and I even got a "nice job!" from my trumpet professor. Mission accomplished!
Anyway, I'm usually pretty good in unfamiliar situations - I understand the whole "grace under pressure" thing. However, in the last couple of weeks I've uncovered my downfall: Frisbee. [Really not kidding.] To put it bluntly, I'm not good at it, and whenever I threw the thing it would either go wildly astray or end up short of the person I was passing to. My friends here like the game, so I usually just stand with them and watch as they try new things (and always seem to make it to the person they're aiming for). Last night, it ended up being just me and two of the guys, and somehow I ended up throwing pretty often. [I'm not sure if they planned that or if it just happened organically.] The first few (okay, the first ton) were complete crap, but toward the end I got more confident and actually started throwing catchable passes. Shoutout to those two guys - they know who they are - who were patient the entire time.
Besides auditions (which I think I'm FINALLY finished with) and just-for-fun stuff, life's pretty normal. I'm loving everything here, and now I know I have the support I need to be my best.
Love you all,
Megan
After an exceedingly bad ensemble placement audition and an exceedingly good chair placement audition, I found myself at a musical impasse - I wasn't exactly proud of myself, but I wasn't completely disappointed, either. As always in the music world, the next opportunity to make myself proud (and prove my worth to any and all skeptics in the studio) came earlier today. Every week, the brass studio gets together and sight reads music. Sight reading is something I've always enjoyed, since I'm relatively good at it and I like the challenge, and today was no exception. I got a little nervous when the conductor looked at me and said, "Whoever's playing first trumpet... It's important." [That's band director language for don't screw it up.] I looked at the piece, and sure enough, it was high and technical, but after a short, silent pep talk, I took a deep breath and calmed down. The sight reading went fantastic, and even though the part turned out to be a little more exposed than I'd expected, it went really well and I even got a "nice job!" from my trumpet professor. Mission accomplished!
Anyway, I'm usually pretty good in unfamiliar situations - I understand the whole "grace under pressure" thing. However, in the last couple of weeks I've uncovered my downfall: Frisbee. [Really not kidding.] To put it bluntly, I'm not good at it, and whenever I threw the thing it would either go wildly astray or end up short of the person I was passing to. My friends here like the game, so I usually just stand with them and watch as they try new things (and always seem to make it to the person they're aiming for). Last night, it ended up being just me and two of the guys, and somehow I ended up throwing pretty often. [I'm not sure if they planned that or if it just happened organically.] The first few (okay, the first ton) were complete crap, but toward the end I got more confident and actually started throwing catchable passes. Shoutout to those two guys - they know who they are - who were patient the entire time.
Besides auditions (which I think I'm FINALLY finished with) and just-for-fun stuff, life's pretty normal. I'm loving everything here, and now I know I have the support I need to be my best.
Love you all,
Megan
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