Complicated: Chasing a Dream

Being a musician is hard.

Not just in the ways you expect - the hours of practice (and in my case, composition), the struggle to understand the nuances of music, the battles against stereotypes. Nope, it's hard in one other way: a lot of the time, you have to force yourself to keep going.

This has a myriad of causes, ranging from society's tendency to look down on "the starving musician" (a problem caused less by smaller skill sets and more by smaller salaries) to the lack of definition in the field. Some would argue that our lack of a cookie-cutter plan makes it easier for us - after all, we could theoretically go in any direction we'd like. I've never seen it that way; instead, it can feel like we have nowhere secure to go. More often than not, I find myself asking, "How am I going to make this work in the real world?" And the scary part? I don't have an answer yet.

Many musicians work on a paycheck-to-paycheck basis. Performance artists get gigs and teach private lessons or clinic groups, and if they're lucky they earn a spot in a symphony orchestra or some other full-time professional group. Music educators, while often subject to the ebb and flow of available positions and salaries provided by the government, seem to have the best shot at some sort of stable, persistent paycheck once they're credentialed and ready to go (but don't quote me on that, as I'm not a Music Ed major). Composers kind of get stuck in the middle of nowhere. Film and video game scoring usually ends up being a one-time deal (unless you get contracted to do any sequels, which does not always happen, by the way). There's a fairly stable market in marching band music, but you need the right credentials to get into that. And yeah, we always have freelancing, but that's a strenuous job that requires a ton of networking, substantial skill, and more than a little luck.

When I started college in August, there was a lot of comparing majors with my new friends. Some of them (okay, a whole bunch of them) hadn't figured out the answer to the "what do you want to do after college?" question. Several of them told me they were jealous that I knew what I wanted to do. The one thing I didn't tell them, those engineers and computer science majors, was that I was jealous of the fact that they would basically be able to walk right out of college after graduation and find a job, somewhere, in the field they'd been studying that would pay enough to make ends meet. Musicians don't have that luxury.

My music professors have been emphasizing that "there ARE jobs out there, you just have to find them," but one of the big problems is that we might have to work two or three of those jobs simultaneously to make everything fall into place. And yeah, working multiple jobs isn't the end of the world, but it makes me sad that there isn't even a default/backup/you-will-be-able-to-make-ends-meet job in the world of music composition. A lot of us go in without having a Plan B, despite warnings from pretty much everybody that we'll need one. If doctors and engineers and lawyers can pursue their educations without having to worry about a backup plan, why can't we? In a time when music is potentially more important and dynamic than ever, why is it so hard for those who make music their business to find something stable?

I've spent quite a bit of quality time lately talking to the adults in my life about this dilemma, and pretty much every time I've ended up in tears. For those of you who don't know, I'm not usually a crier. Sure, there are a lot of people pushing me to succeed and keep doing the whole follow-my-dreams thing, and I appreciate the support, but guys, it's hard! 25% of the time, I feel like I'm learning how to do great things, and 5% of the time I just decide I'm going to go places in the music industry, but that other 70%... Sometimes it's hopelessness, worry, "facing the facts;" sometimes it's just disbelief that out of all the careers I could have chosen, I decided to pursue one of the most unstable. Hopefully, if composition doesn't entirely work out, I'll end up with some sort of job in music, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Why am I ranting like this? Maybe because I'm tired of being told to "have a Plan B" or "marry a guy with a good job" (and yes, I've heard those more times than I can count). Maybe because I'm tired of how hard it is to break into an industry like music at a young age. Or maybe it's just because I'm tired of being scared, and I don't know where I'm going. Being a music major is like shooting in the dark - you don't know where your target is, and sometimes you don't know which target you should be aiming for.
Love you all,
Megan

Deck the Halls: My Favorite Time of Year

You guys, it's almost Christmas!

Where some of my friends are spending their winter break, it's already December 25, but I've got a few hours to go. While I wish I'd had time to rally my friends to go caroling (really, I wish enough of them had been around), I'm still looking forward to tomorrow. The last few days have been pretty low-key, but there's a pretty magical feeling that just comes with Christmastime.

I've been arranging Christmas carols and singing far more than I usually do (though that might just be because I'm at home). Didn't actually get to go caroling this year, but I'll hopefully pull some friends together for a jam session soon. (When my friends and I jam, interesting things happen.)

Although I'm excited about lights and songs and the holiday season in general, recent events have me focusing on family, friends, and the people I love. Because sure, there's the commercial side of the holidays, and there's the religious side, but at the end of the day it's time to spend with the people we love.

While I'm limited to my California friends and family this holiday season, I've definitely been thinking a lot about my friends in other places - Arizona, the cold snowy lands, and the East Coast. In the last year I've made countless friends, many of whom don't live in my time zone. I'm not going to mention anyone by name because some of you would hate that, but know that all of you have made a huge difference in my life and I'm proud to be your friend. I expect to be keeping up with some of these friends for years (maybe forever), and distance isn't going to stop me from staying in touch.

That said, thanks to the band friends, the mealtime friends, the neighbors, the core-classes friends, the honor-band friends, the role models, the family members, the teachers, the mentors, the non-biological siblings (as well as my biological sibling), and everyone in between. You've all made a difference to me and I can't wait to see what the future holds for all of us.

Since I have a lot of friends who celebrate a variety of holidays, I'll close with Happy Holidays. :) Hope everyone is enjoying their time off!

Love you all,

Megan

Replay: Lessons Learned in my First Semester

The music's loud and I'm in good spirits. It must be the holiday season.

Looking back on my first semester in college, I learned a lot - not just about music or essay-writing, but about people and life in general. And I guess that's a big part of what the first year or so of college is about. It's been quite a wild ride, and now that I'm at the end of the semester, I'm getting a chance to reflect on the important things and the little things. I've been doing a lot of lists lately, but this one's going to be... interesting, so here's a few of those things:

1. If you don't remember what time the dining hall closes, you will not eat. (Took some of my friends awhile to figure that one out.)
2. If you're not from Texas (or the South), be prepared to have friends who say "y'all." If you are, be prepared to have friends who think that's a little bizarre.
3. You'll have friends who make different life choices than you do. Chances are, you had those in high school too, but in college it'll be less of a big deal. Just accept it and move on.
4. Sometimes, being social isn't the worst thing in the world. (Sometimes.)
5. Bursting into song in the middle of a conversation scares people, apparently.
6. Be prepared to sit with complete strangers when you're eating. Sometimes this is a decent way to make friends.
7. Keeping in touch with a group of friends who are roommates isn't quite as hard because you can almost always track down one of them.
8. Know that people don't answer their phones as often in college. Especially when you actually need their help with something.
9. Avoid parallel fifths and octaves in four-part voice writing.
10. Chances are, you're going to be exposed to some new music. Enjoy it while you can.
11. Doing laundry isn't so bad - unless the elevator is broken and it's on the top floor.
12. Going out late at night is really fun if you're not alone. (Going with three guys who could kick serious butt is also a plus.)
13. You'll see some really weird things, like... well... you might be better off not knowing.
14. Remember all those math and science people you made friends with? Well, their classes don't start until AFTER the sun comes up, and theirs also go later than yours, so be prepared to not see them outside of dinner.
15. Video games are great stress relief. So is watching someone else play them.
16. Staying out until 1 or 2 in the morning isn't the end of the world anymore. (But the walk home might be a little chilly.)
17. Eliminate extraneous words in your writing. Know how to analyze things.
18. Friends are a great source of information and insight... when they're not too lazy or busy to help you.
19. Netflix may be the best thing since sliced bread.
20. Hanging out with nerds is still really fun. Even if they think you're crazy.
21. Learn to let things go. Nobody's perfect; neither are you.
22. Know the difference between joking and actually trying to be offensive.
23. If there's one social butterfly in the group, you'll all meet plenty of new people.
24. Sometimes, people will double-book on you. Roll with it.
25. There is a big difference between networking and making friends. Make time for both.
26. It's okay to show your friends what you're good at.
27. Make sure you have enough time to get to your classes (and you know where they are).
28. People will get really excited about absolutely nothing.
29. Be brave.
30. Sometimes, it's okay to not say anything.
31. If you've got a baby grand piano in your dining hall, play it.
32. Having access to good gelato in your dining hall seven days a week can turn into a bad thing if you don't like the gym.
33. If you're doing what you love, expect others to be a little jealous.
34. Your friends have to study and won't always be available when you want them to be.
35. Being bad at something is okay if it means you get to spend time with your friends while they teach you to be good at it.
36. Music is still great stress relief. Make time for it.

I'm sure I'll think of more, so there MAY be a Part Two coming. Still, those are some pretty good points. Overall, it's been a great semester, I've found some fantastic friends, and I can't wait for next year!
Love you all,
Megan

Don't Cry For Me Argentina: Finals, Milestones, and Going Home

Okay, I'm justifying my lack of blogging for two reasons: 1) I've been fairly busy for the last week and a half, and 2) it's finals week.

Here's a list of all the stuff I've done since Thanksgiving (which was fantastic, by the way; hope all yours were too):

• Dealt with missing luggage at the airport (by myself)
• Played my last concert of the semester with Concert Band (it was awesome)
• Went to another concert
• Saw my dad over the weekend
• Saw Frozen with the aforementioned dad (the soundtrack is AWESOME and it's super cute)
• Went window shopping (but didn't get anything)
• Had an important birthday (though I suppose they're all important)
• Opened presents (external hard drive, Global Entry for airports, flip flops, and a new jacket - I'm nothing if not practical)
• Skyped the rest of my family
• Studied counterpoint (a lot)
• Did well on my theory final (I think/hope; grade pending)
• Had my composition and performance juries (and they both went well too)
• SLEPT IN on Tuesday, Wednesday, AND Thursday (and will probably do so again tomorrow)
• Turned in all but one of my finals (last one's due tomorrow)
• Had lots of serious conversations
• Spent quite a bit of time with my friends (and by quite a bit I mean several consecutive dinnertimes)
• Stressed about going home
• Cleaned my room (yes, Mom, I really did, and I'll bring photo evidence home with me)
• Lost most of my voice (inconveniently on the day of my sight singing final, but everything worked out) for almost a week, but it's finally almost back
• Played for the entire trumpet studio
• Cried (once)
• Saw Evita with the aforementioned dad (yes, we did a lot of watching things with singing in them)
• Wore Christmas earrings almost every day (I think I missed one)

That was a really long list. One of the things I didn't do over the last week and a half that I really wish I'd gotten to do was go to the You-Sing-It Messiah with my dad. They have it in San Jose on the first Monday of December every year, and we've gone together several times. I missed going, and my dad missed having me around to help him when he got lost. (Not entirely kidding.)

Oh yeah, and I hit one of those milestone birthdays, but I really don't feel any different. Just for the record. (But thanks to everyone who posted on my Facebook or texted/called/emailed me! I was smiling pretty much the whole day.)

And I've (almost) survived my first finals week in college! (We'll see, though - this last paper could very well kill me.)

Finally, I get to go home in a couple days, which I'm really excited about. I can't wait to see my high school friends again, and I have a feeling there miiiiight be a Christmas-caroling party in the works. (Instruments or voices? We'll have to see.) I'm off for quite some time, and I'll miss my guys here - a lot - but I'll probably keep bugging them in touch with them over the break anyway. I'm excited to spend Christmas at home for the first time in years and reconnect with some old buddies. Oh, and my awesome mother got me an LED Christmas tree that changes color and plugs into the USB drive of my laptop. So that's totally going to be in use year-round (because really, what college student has time to put away Christmas decorations?).

OH! And my band piece, Tour de Force, had its first birthday on the 11th. Weird thing to celebrate (especially since I had to explain it to some of my guyfriends here), but it was pretty cool to realize a project that big has been around for a year. If you haven't heard it yet, just click on the title, because in my completely unbiased opinion (wink wink), it's awesome. (And if you don't believe me, ask some of the kids in the wind ensemble that recorded it!)

Sorry this blog was so long. Hopefully over the break I'll have time to contribute more regularly so you won't have to read small novellas every time I post. Still, hope you found something in here you liked. Happy holidays!
Love you all,
Megan

Airplanes: Travel Woes (and tips)

Well, today was far more eventful than I really needed it to be. Woke up with my family at six AM in California, got Starbucks (best part of my day), drove an hour to the airport, checked my bag, and things went downhill from there.

Security had a REALLY short line - I got incredibly lucky on this trip - but as I'd just finished putting all my stuff into the scanner and was about to enter the full body scan, some of the TSA agents had to stop everyone because the genius in line behind me had just left his stuff on the table well before the conveyor belts so he could get through security before I did. Once the TSA figured out it was his, he had to come back through, push his stuff onto the conveyor, then go through the body scanner again (after I did). Moral of the story: make sure your stuff actually makes it to the scanner. Even if it means going to all the effort to move it yourself. (Have I mentioned I love the TSA?)

After that it was pretty smooth sailing until we were up in the air. One of my pet peeves in airplanes has always been when people get up and go to the bathroom right after the flight attendant points out that the seatbelt sign is still on and everyone should remain in their seats. Seriously, what else would you be getting up for? Unless you're a parent with a tiny child, I don't think there's really another good reason. That's the flight attendants telling you it's not okay to use the bathroom yet. There's frequently turbulence somewhere between 10,000 feet and cruising altitude, so just know the little bell is ONLY to tell you you're allowed to use your laptops.

Fast forward through the rest of the flight. (Props to the parents with the happy one-year-old.) We land in Arizona, I go down to baggage claim... And my bag isn't there. Wonderful. Proceed to baggage services, file a report... Then, seeing another flight arriving from the airport I left from, I decided to wait and see if it was going to magically appear. Lo and behold, someone found it, so an hour after I landed, I finally left the airport. For my first time dealing with lost bags, it went surprisingly well. My parents are a treasure trove of travel info, so calling them might have been the smartest thing I did all day. While I'm tired, a little frustrated, and definitely in need of finishing an essay, I'm back at college, my stuff's all here, and I'm about as insane as I was this time last week. And it's December! (Expect a rant on Christmas carols soon.)

Love you all,

Megan